did you get engaged???
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
