please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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