The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
