just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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