Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
