Quick, to the slutcave!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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