I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Are we still banned from the library?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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