Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
