once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
