I wannas sexs uuuuu
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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