i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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