Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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