Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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