I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
