just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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