It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
