Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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