His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
