Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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