oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
