Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
