Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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