Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
