Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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