respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
