I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
