She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize