I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
