Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
