My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
