Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
