i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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