Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
