can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
