It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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