I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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