Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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