I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
