So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
