I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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