The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize