apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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