Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
