Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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