There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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