fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
