she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
