i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
