No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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