Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
