I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
