Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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