i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
