Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
