Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
