I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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