if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
