Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize