You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
