"it" just moved
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
