wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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