Your face is a jimmy john
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
