i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
