I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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