What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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