I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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