I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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